By Dennis Gundersen

Now and then, someone says to me, “You have more friends than anyone I know. You’ve got friends everywhere.” And I can’t deny that it’s true. Only rarely does anyone ask why that is. I’m stirred today by some recent events to share my thoughts on that. It’s really not rocket science.

I look for ways to serve my friends, to be a blessing to their lives. Now, a lot of you do that. Many of you do that better than I do. But just maybe, even more important to long-term retention of these friendships is this: if and when we find a point of big disagreement, you know what? I don’t cut the ties. You’re still my friend. You leave my church? You’re still my friend. I’ll keep what we have. Why shouldn’t I? Big denominational or theological shift? I’ll keep the friendship we have anyway. It’s really that simple.

Folks, it’s easy to choose to keep a friend when the change in them is on a small point. But even if they make a change in something major, it’s often not as hard to keep the friendship as people make it out to be. Because we don’t have to be the same in thinking and practice to still value and cherish each other.

I’m not saying it’s always easy. And I’m not saying I’ve never lost a friend: I have, like all of you have on occasion. But I can say, as a rule, that has been their decision to end it. Maybe at times, I’ve been at fault. But I keep a very high percentage of friends because my thinking is: if you value a friend, you treat him or her like you value them, and you just don’t sever that tie, denounce, or rid yourself of them over a difference discovered. You just don’t. You keep the friend because you value the friend. He became your friend before either of you knew what the other believed about every point, right? So you can keep the friend even after you discover that they believe something different than you anticipated. Because, as important as doctrine and preferences can be, people are important, in their own right. You don’t have to change them to still love them.

You can even keep the friend if they disappoint you. You think you’ve never disappointed him? That would be so, so arrogant of you to presume. Keep the friend.

That’s all.

Dennis Gundersen served as pastor of two churches in the Tulsa metro area from 1984-2009 and is the founder (now retired) of Grace & Truth Books, a Christian publishing house he operated for 30 years. He is a board member of Tlapaneco Indian Ministries of Guerrero, Mexico, and the author of four books, including A Praying Church and Your Child’s Profession of Faith. He and his wife have been married 46 years and have four adult children and six grandchildren.