Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship

A valuable resource for dating couples, by Lou Priolo

Among the counseling I’ve done during my pastoral career in serving various churches, one of the most common settings has been what is commonly called premarital counseling.  Meeting with an engaged young man and young lady and going over a few biblical principles about marriage, to be sure they are well-prepared for the leap into matrimony that they’re about to take.

Of course, engaged couples are some of the most confident people on earth about their future.  They’re usually quite sure that they have it all together, or at least enough of it together that they see no reason to anticipate any meaningful rifts or difficulties in their marriage. “After all, we love each other so much.”  (allegedly and apparently, unlike nearly everyone else who has gone before them who expressed the same sentiment).  It comes as no surprise to older marriage couples, seasoned pastors, or parents that a young, dating or engaged couple see themselves as going into marriage with very few issues – minor ones, if any at all.

But of course, this is far from the reality.  They are of the same flesh and blood and flawed human nature as the rest of us, and their overconfidence is quite unwarranted.  Author and counselor Lou Priolo has been a careful observer of that human nature for over 30 years and his book Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship is a goldmine for either dating / engaged couples or counselors of such couples.

Priolo cites 26 different “red flags” which should grab – and hold – the attention of either the guy, the girl, their parents, or their counselor, if manifested in the relationship.  Now, on the one hand, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist, or even an experienced counselor, to take notice that traits like impatience, selfishness, and deceitfulness are danger signs and certain to lead to serious and lasting conflict in a marriage. These are some of the more obvious deal-breakers, features sure to bring catastrophe to the relationship if not identified and corrected.  And “few areas of common interest” is one very commonly raised, even though I’d say it’s less important than it’s purported to be.  But Priolo also takes us into territory often uncharted by counselors; and, all too often, utterly ignored by the swooning man and woman in the relationship.

For instance, think of yourself for the moment as a premarital counselor.  How concerned would you be if your conversations with the couple revealed that one of them was excessively passive in their handling of decisions, while the other was quick on the draw to make a decision?  Or what if you noticed that they had two or more areas of significant difference of opinion, which they had never resolved – matters such as, how to budget, or how to correct children, or more urgently early in their marriage, a conflicting definition of what the submission of a Christian wife actually means and works out in practice?

If you think any of the above aren’t particularly crucial to a happy and harmonious marriage, I sincerely hope you aren’t their counselor.  Or, if you are, then please get a copy of Lou’s book. These are some of what he wrote Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship for.

Many of the danger signs he identifies in his book aren’t necessarily a firm reason to call the wedding off.  But they all bring to light areas that can’t be ignored and simply must be worked on, to have a God-honoring marriage that brings the pleasure and companionship that marriage is intended to.

You can purchase Danger Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship by Lou Priolo here:
http://staging.graceandtruthbooks.com/staging2/product/danger-signs/